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The Therapy Sessions
Friday, April 30, 2004

My take on rap

I never liked rap much, and hip hop sucks too. Maybe it's because I'm just a suburban white boy and the lyrics mean nothing to me.

Face it, more often than not, I'm on the man's side.

But these rap lyrics have been translated into language that sets my pale toes a'tappin':

(1) "I am an aficionado of exceptionally large female posteriors; on this subject, I am neither able to prevaricate nor make pretense."

(2) "Law enforcement officials seem intent on confiscating my current narcotic harvest."

(3) "Indeed, my credentials are more than sufficient, I repeat, more than sufficient for me to cease activity at this point in time."

(4) "Let us harken back to the halycon years of my adolescence, when I was as of yet not very well known within the community, nor did I have any means to electronically receive messages."

(5) "The emergency services in this locality are of inferior quality."

(6) "Excessive inebriation on my part inevitably leads to a telephone call, attempting to terminate my solitude by engaging in intercourse with a woman of loose morals."

(7) "Upon my word of honor, I will never try to emulate a passe or banal mode of communication."

(8) "Please pass me the amplification device, so that I may extend my present line of discourse. The alliance of particular Californian neighborhoods is a portent of imperilment."

This is either the start of something momentous or a one-shot curiousity that was a lot funnier after a few White Russians.

(1) "I like big butts and I cannot lie."-- Sir Mix-a-Lot, Baby Got Back.

(2) "Cops, come and try to snatch my crops"-- Cypress Hill, Insane in the Brain.

(3) "2 Legit, 2 Legit To Quit"-- the estimable (MC) Hammer.

(4) "Back in the days, when I was a teenager / before I had status and before I had a pager." -- A Tribe Called Quest, Excursions.

(5) "9-1-1 is a joke in yo town"-- Public Enemy.

(6) "When I get drunk, I stumble to the phone / and conjure up a bitch to bone when I'm alone." The Alkaholiks, Only When I'm Drunk.

(7) "We solemnly swear to never bust a style that's bunk." Digital Underground, Rhymin' on the Funk.

(8) "Give me the microphone first so I can bust like a bubble / Compton and Long Beach together, man, you know you in trouble." Dr. Dre and Snoop Dogg, Nuthin' But a 'G' Thang.

(From Norbizness via Marcland)

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