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The Therapy Sessions
Monday, May 09, 2005

Another dumb story from parenthood

I'm a serial kid teaser. I admit it.

The other day, I was getting my son's toothpaste. It was covered with pictures of Spongebob Squarepants. (Huh? You're one of those parents who would never let your kids get exposed to such things? Ohh, fuck off. There is no children's toothpaste that's not decorated with some cultural icon except "Tom's of Maine" - and I don't trust that shit at all. There is no new age substitute for fluoride.)

So anyways...I ask Sean: "What is this guy called? Dishrag Doug?"

Sean (very offended): "No Dad! That's Spongebob Squarepants!"

(At this point, it is important to point out that he has never seen "Spongebob Squarepants." He picked up everything he knows about this character from his miscreant peers at school.)

Dad (still clueless): "Huh. I thought it was Dishrag Doug."

Sean (getting mad): "Mom! Dad is calling my toothpaste "Dick-Rash Doug!"

Mom (horrified, to Dad): "You told him WHAT?!!"

Yep, that's me. I'm already teaching my four-year-old about STD's.

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