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The Therapy Sessions
Sunday, January 01, 2006

Frosty the Stonerman

My wife just came home after running a bazillion miles. She had a corn cob pipe.

Perfect for "Frosty the Snowman," she says.

Well, she's right. I know the song: "With a corn cob pipe, and a button nose and two eyes made out of coal...."

So we are almost set: we have the pipe, we can scrounge up a button for the nose, the coal might be a problem - but hey, charcoal will work just fine.

But the problem is: this pipe wasn't used for smoking tobacco. It reeks of pot.(I smelled it at a party. Once. A long time ago.)

What to do? If we have a snowman outside our house with a hashpipe crammed in between his (giggling) lips, what will the neighbors think?

Will they think we are household of stoners?

Will Chimpy McHalliburton order his brownshirted AmeriKKKan goons to tap our phones and search our house? (Go ahead - maybe they'll find half the shit I've lost over the years and get my wife off my back.)

And what effect will THC have on Frosty's mind? Will I come home to find him baking away - and melting - in my living room, telling me that "The Simpsons" is like modern day Shakespeare?

Will he go on midnight runs to 7-11 to kill the munchies?

What to do, what to do....

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